Day 210 - Who Are You When No One is Watching?

📖Daily Reading

Mark 13 

🎥 Video  

Join me on my morning walk as we rise and shine together by walking through the Bible daily and learn a practical applicable coaching nugget from the ultimate life coach - our creator (whatever that means to you). No judgement zone here, all are welcome, we are all on a spiritual journey because we are after all spiritual beings having a human experience.

 

📝 Reflection 

  Mark 13: 33-37

   “Be on guard, keep awake. For you do not know when the time will come. It is like a man going on a journey, when he leaves home and puts his servants in charge, each with his work, and commands the doorkeeper to stay awake.  Therefore stay awake- for you do not know when the master of the house will come, in the evening, or at midnight, or when the rooster crows, or in the morning - lest he come suddenly and find you asleep. And what I say to you I say to all: Stay awake.”

 

Mark chapter 13 is an apocalyptic end of times story, but it ends with this parable from Jesus. Like all of the Bible it can and should be read from many angles and perspectives. When we zoom out and look for a practical individual everyday life application, it is good to ask ourselves who are we when no one is watching? Also, beyond that who are you worried is watching when you feel like you are being watched? And what is your relationship with the ‘who’s in your life? These are a few of really good questions to sit with and ask yourself. If we feel like we are constantly being judged and having to meet expectations that don’t align with our own it is exhausting and often what we do when we feel like we aren't’ being watch can have a  rebellious aspect to it. These answers to these questions reveal our core motivations and fears, they get to the heart of the matter. 

I will just share personally, as an example. I am a recovering people pleaser and high functioning co-dependent. I am also an enneagram 9w1- aka a peacemaker perfectionist combination - also aka ‘good girl’. The way I tried to keep peace internally and externally is to keep the people in my world happy, being available to my clients anytime, playing by the perceived rules and roles I found myself in either consciously or because I thought as a ‘good christian woman’ I ‘should’ be in.  As you might imagine this is an exhausting way to live.

So when no one was watching, usually staying up a little later than my family I would let myself be a little ‘messy’, I would enjoy indulging in wine, snacks, watching shows only I liked to watch alone, I might let some clutter happen. I put myself in a pressure cooker way of living. I want to say loud and clear, after doings some work I know I am not a victim except maybe only a victim of myself and my dysfunctional ways. But in my dysfunctional way of my prior being I very much believed I was a victim. A victim of wrong thinking and programming that I thought that it was women expected of me to be a people pleaser and a 'good girl', that this is what being selfless, caring and nice etc.. all meant. I thought if I didn't I   might get labeled a ‘b#&*$’, and I certainly didn’t want that. 

But you know who was also watching; ME! I was sending myself mixed messages and creating egg shells that needed to be avoided walking on. My ego was loudly saying - keep it up, just try harder, get it together, blame others , blah blah blah. One day I finally decided to try a different way, even though I knew it would be hard, and felt risky, people who were used my attempts to please them might not be too pleased, but I could no longer afford to betray myself any longer.

I also knew that who I was being when no one was looking and who I was living in fear of was not what God had in mind for me, it was keeping me playing small in my own life. I was willing to rise up and live a new way even if it meant that others wouldn’t like it, like me or thought I was weird or wrong. This is what my ego and fear was telling me- our fragile egos is what creates the egg shells.

When you can get humble, honest and admit that your are not living in a way that is honoring to yourself and your creator it can be heart wrenching in a good way. Then you can slowly and  patiently begin the work of turning the 🚢 ship around. One step at a time, one humbling step at a time you can reorient yourself and plug yourself back into the source of love. Rather than seeking confirmation in the moods and whims of other humans which is like trying to catch the wind, btw.

You can turn to a steadfast and never changing source of perfect love. This type of love will allow you to do this work without shame and regret and with forgiveness for yourself and others. We are all just doing the best we can with what we were taught and with what we have. As we learn better we can do better, but that takes humility, if you haven’t noticed yet your ego does not like to admit fault, but if you can do it anyway this is where life and love begin again! We die to ourselves and can be reborn and resurrected! 

When God is for you who can stand against you- when your source of love and identity and confidence is in God you will likely make better choices and live responsibly because you want to, you are intrinsically motivated by gratitude, you will slowly be able to let go of your people pleasing and self destructive ways. Don’t take my word for it, seek the truth for yourself. There is a peace that surpasses all understanding that comes from God alone and from my inner knowing, I can tolerate disappointing others now. But the truth is many of my relationships have gotten better not worse, my ego as usual got it wrong! I don’t trust her very much anymore!  

✍🏼Daily Journal Prompt 

 Who are you when no one is watching?  What kind of message are you sending to yourself? 

📖Tomorrows Reading

Mark 14

Coaching Opportunity

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If you have stuck with me this far, then you are not reading this by accident, I believe God has a plan for you and is calling you forward!😉🤩

 

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