Day 242 - Heart Break
📖Daily Reading
John 8-11
Join me on my morning walk as we rise and shine together by walking through the Bible daily and learn a practical applicable coaching nugget from the ultimate life coach - our creator (whatever that means to you). No judgement zone here, all are welcome, we are all on a spiritual journey because we are after all spiritual beings having a human experience.
📝 Reflection
John 11: 9-11
“Jesus replied, “There are twelve hours of daylight every day. During the day people can walk safely. They can see because they have the light of this world. But at night there is danger of stumbling because they have no light.” Then he said, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep, but now I will go and wake him up.””
I have spent all day with this chapter and have let it spend all day with me. I took pages of notes, I got on facebook and verbally processed like I normally do, and I still feel like there is so much more to this dense story. It is a story I am familiar with and have ‘read’ and been taught about from other peoples perspective. As I sat and really read it and then went into the story, re-read it and mediated on it I got a message from it that I have never heard before. So I encourage you to do the same thing. Don’t take other’s peoples perspectives on the gospel as the gospel, read it for yourself and let it speak to you. But for now here is how it spoke to me..
The majority of John chapter 11 is the story of how Jesus raised his friend Lazarus from the dead. I have heard and read the words that Jesus wept that is in vs. 35. but when in context with the whole story, I do not get the message that it is simply that he grieved at the loss of his friend, and that he is demonstrating his humanity with us, as I have been encouraged to believe. I think it is much more complex than this. Right before this we are also told how angry and troubled he was at the entire situation.
So lets back up to the beginning for a moment. At the beginning of the chapter I think we are given a clue as to how to read and approach the story. We are told that a man named Lazarus is sick and that he lived in Bethany with his sisters Mary and Martha. Then the author does something very interesting, he tells us that ‘this is the Mary who later poured the expensive perfume on the Lord’s feet and wiped them with her hair”. Every word in the scripture is intentional. So as I asked myself why this statement is here, it is very out of place and out of character. It is foreshadowing or foretelling, why? I think this is our clue 🕵️♀️ .
As we get into the story we learn that Lazarus is dying, a message is sent to let Jesus know, because they were close and he loved them. He knows what is happening and know that he will use this as an opportunity to do a great miracle for God’s glory. He waits a couple of days before beginning the journey, knowing that Lazarus will die before he gets there.
He arrives, Martha greets him first and is obviously distraught and expresses her belief that if he had been there Lazarus would not have died. He takes the opportunity to tell her that her brother will rise again, she says yes of course when we all do. He says “I AM the resurrection, anyone who believes will live even after dying’ Do you believe Martha? (Present tense). She replies ‘Yes, I have always believed’ (past tense). She returns to get Mary and sends her to see Jesus as he is waiting at a distance.
Mary rushes out to meet him and is followed by others that were at the house grieving. Mary falls at his feet and also says ‘if you had been here this wouldn’t have happened’. This is when we are told that Jesus gets deeply angry and troubled as he is witnessing the weeping and wailing going on. Then we are told he also wept. Others observing him on the scene interpret this as evidence of his love for Lazarus. They are also commenting that this wouldn’t have happened if he had been here. It goes on to say that Jesus is still angry as he arrived at the cave where Lazarus has been buried.
What is the anger about? What is the sadness about? What is the deep trouble about? As I sat with this and went back again to the beginning. There is also this very interesting exchange that is quoted above between Jesus and his disciples before he goes to see Mary and Martha. They are concerned for his safety because authorities are now plotting to arrest him. This was his response; ‘12 hours of daylight, …light of the world… but at night there is danger of stumbling because they have no light..’. This also seems like a very out of place ‘cryptic’ thing to say at this point in the story. So what is going on?
Ok, here is my take. I think Martha, Mary and the others in Bethany are experiencing heart break, for obvious reasons. I think Jesus is as well, but for different reasons. I think heart break at least as I think about it encompasses this wide range of emotions; anger, sadness, trouble, grief, overwhelm which feel very dark. I thought of the condition sometimes referred to as ‘the dark night of the soul’. (When I researched this by the way it comes from St. John, which is interesting).
When we humans are faced with overwhelming evidence of loss, we cannot simultaneously hold onto our beliefs that what we are seeing, feeling and experiencing is not real, permanent, unending etc.. I think this is what Jesus must have felt and overwhelming frustration about, not even HE could stop it. He was reminding them of their belief in eternal life, they were trying their best to confirm their belief, but they were also questioning why they had to go though this, they wanted him to save them from it.
He couldn’t, and he won’t be able to. I think, he was also hit with the realization of how much they would suffer and be heart broken at his own death on the cross. They would not be able to hold onto their belief and their hope. I think this was heart breaking for him, even he could not save them/us from this. We are the only ones who can save ourselves from this, and as we are reminded, that with humans it is impossible but with God it is possible. They did not have the Holy Spirit yet, and they did not have Jesus (or the Christ consciousness) with them when Lazarus died, they alone were responsible for holding onto their faith and they could not. It was too dark, it was too much, and they stumbled.
I think he must have had a first hand experience and moment of utter recognition of just how vulnerable we are and yet… and yet… this is the only way. This is an intersection where God’s sovereignty and man’s responsibility intersect and those who can hold onto the light in the darkness, or who can come through the darkness by clinging to hope will experience God’s glory at levels that many will not be able to. This has to be heartbreaking 💔 for God, for Jesus. It is the law of paradox and yet it is how it has to work. Free will.
I know this is a bit longer than normal, so if you are still reading, thanks for hanging in there with me, and I hope I am articulating this in a way that makes some sense. The good news in all of this is that Jesus role models for us how to handle these powerful emotions. Feel them, acknowledge them and move through them. Move in and toward belief and faith even in the face of unbelief and lack of evidence or feeling. He has them roll the stone. He came to work and do a great miracle for God’s glory. He is not getting sidelined and taken off task by the human condition. Even in all of this demonstration, Martha still demonstrates her unbelief ‘won’t the body smell, he has been in their for 4 days’. Jesus responds “Didn’t I tell you that you would see God’s glory if you believe?”
“So they rolled the stone aside. Then Jesus looked up to heaven and said, “Father, thank you for hearing me. You always hear me, but I said it out loud for the sake of all these people standing here, so that they will believe you sent me.” Then Jesus shouted, “Lazarus, come out!” And the dead man came out, his hands and feet bound in grave clothes, his face wrapped in a head cloth. Jesus told them, “Unwrap him and let him go!””
I would love feedback on this, I always do!
✍🏼Daily Journal Prompt
How do you interpret this story, how does God speak to you in this? I going to cling to his light of hope in the darkness, have faith and trust that whatever I am experiencing in the dark times is not the end of the story even though my feelings will try to tell me that it is. I encourage and invite you to read, chew on, digest scripture for yourself, let it feed and nourish your heart and spirit. It will transform you if you let it, it might even break your heart, but it will also resurrect you to new life.
📖Tomorrows Reading
John 12-15
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