Day 122- Don't rush the process...
📖Daily Reading
Proverbs 13
🎥 Video
Join me on my morning walk as we rise and shine together by walking through the Bible daily and learn a practical applicable coaching nugget from the ultimate life coach - our creator (whatever that means to you). No judgement zone here, all are welcome, we are all on a spiritual journey because we are after all spiritual beings having a human experience.
📝 Reflection
Proverbs 13: 10-12
Pride leads to conflict, those who take advice are wise
Wealth from get-rich-quick schemes quickly disappears; wealth from hard work grows over time.
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.
Long post warning - but worth it I think!
There is a lot packed into these verses and believe it or not I think they are intertwined. In the habit change and transformation world, we talk a lot about ‘trusting the process’. When you are the one in the process it can be very tempting to rush it and be impatient. As humans we have 2 brains - did you know that? We have the survival or ‘critter’ brain and the executive or ‘higher’ brain. The critter brain is super impatient it is compelled by drive, desire and survival only, it is by default our also our autopilot system. It wants what it wants NOW and it is always concerned by it’s survival and hence is constantly scanning the environment for treats and threats. In the Bible the word ‘flesh’ is used to describe this aspect of ourselves. Proverbs in a nutshell is telling us that if we let our ‘flesh’ be the guiding decision maker in our lives that this is foolish, wicked, will lead to our destruction etc..
Our executive brain or ‘wisdom’ knows the difference and is self aware watcher of the two brains or selves. This often why fools don’t know that they are fools because they are ignorant of this aspect of themselves, or if they are aware, they don’t care and are willing to roll the dice and have their immediate desires met and hope that they won’t have the consequences or at least willing to deal with them later.
The temptation when you want to make a positive change in your life is to satisfy both parts of yourself. Hence the get-rich-quick scheme mentioned in the verse above - or we could substitute - lose-__-lbs in 30, get flat abs by following this X# week plan, or double your income by using this fool proof 'x step' system… etc.. And you might actually be able to do this and others might also be showing evidence that they also ‘succeeded’ by doing it. But what we don’t often see is that 6 months later the weight may be back, or the tummy is back and the results of the quick money isn’t being sustained.
We need to redefine success- as outlined in the verse above - wealth from hard work grows over time. This is lasting wealth or for our discussion purpose, transformation but it takes time, hard work and patience. If you are an emotional eater or you have a wine o’clock habit and you modify your surface behavior only, you absolutely can lose weight or go x number of days without drinking but it will be very hard to sustain over time because will power alone is finite. Your auto pilot or your ‘flesh’ self still wants what it wants, you haven’t changed your underlying desires and drivers. Changing this is hard work and it takes time, but when you do the work - you change your autopilot or desires of your flesh and then eventually it is easy! This is what we mean when we say ‘trust the process and that it can’t be rushed.
When we do see some surface results or we are ‘successful’ in the short term through behavior change alone pride can come along and tell us “I’ve got this”, I don’t need help anymore, I am ready to move on to the next ‘thing’. Then we take our focus and hard work and shift it before the work is done, and guess what; complacency slides in and you can start backsliding or thinking that you can ‘handle’ more than you can, put yourself in the path of temptation etc.. But there is an important distinction and point to be made here - while we want to be careful not to be prideful or arrogant we do want to celebrate ourselves and give recognition to ourselves for our hard work. Behavior change is where it starts, and we want to celebrate it without giving it too much credit. Rewarding and celebrating ourselves gives our brain the motivation to keep going. The deeper changes will happen over time with hard work and digging deep and rewiring your desires. Celebration and reward is a key ingredient in the process.
Next, lets tie in ‘hope deferred’ and corresponding dissapoinment, this could be a sign that your expectations need some adjusting and fine tuning. So if we have a ‘get rich quick’ mindset, and a misunderstanding of success which can open the door to pride, we can have our heart set on something that is not aligned with the reality of the whole process, therefore we may suffer or get heart sick from hope deferred. Meaning that we have unrealistic expectations that are causing a hope that will surely be disappointed, which leads us to quit, give up, talk negatively to ourselves, thinking we are broken, we don’t have it together … it is exhausting and defeating. BUT if you take time to pay attention to this feeling and adjust your hope/expectations that is more in line with the truth your dreams will be fulfilled and be a tree of life. Are your expectations and hopes realistic, can you make some adjustments, are you trying to do too much at once, did you not take enough time in phase 1 of your plan, or are you celebrating yourself enough? We humans are complex, are you taking everything into account and meeting yourself where you actually are vs where you think you ‘should’ be? We ‘should’ all over ourselves! In fact this is a great word to eliminate from your vocabulary, learn to love what is and work with what is!
So can you see how this all works together? I will give a personal example, because I am in the midst of this myself. A few years ago I made a commitment to get healthier overall, more energy, lower weight, better fitness, more emotionally stable, more confident - all the things. I started with adjusting my own view of success, life is a long game. I was ready to get off of the hamster wheel of ‘succeeding’ with short term goals and committing to truly changing who I was, so I would be all of these things mentioned without effort even if it took me five or even ten years of hard work. Better to spend this time well and be a different person who didn’t have to constantly watch what she ate, feel deprived, forcing myself to workout when I didn’t want to etc.. I would be a person who wanted to eat healthy, wanted to move more, felt comfortable honoring her own needs, felt at home, had a sense of belonging etc..
So I had to get brutally honest with myself and I knew that my ‘wine o’clock’ habit was something that was not only consuming empty calories, but it was robbing me of my sleep, energy and mojo. So this was phase 1 of the plan. I am 2.5 years AF now and I have done the work - I don’t want it. You couldn’t pay me to have a glass of wine now!! I trusted the process and it has worked. But at month 6 in my journey, I wasn’t quite there yet, but my expectation and hope was that I ‘should’ be. I thought about giving up, was it worth it, I was working so hard and not getting the results I hoped for. This is why community and coaching is a non-negotiable for me. I am wise and I heed and listen to advice now. I touched base with my coaches and my community and adjusted my expectations to be more in line with my reality and not rush the process, keep doing the work and the results will and did come.
This is another thing to add as an aside - you are unique the life you lived is different resist the temptation to compare yourself to others, some may get faster results than you some may be slower - that is why use the word process. There are certain elements and aspects that are universal in a process, but how we all move through the process is unique. The reason we trust it is because if you do the work the results will come eventually.
Now when I originally set my intentions I had a hope and an expectation that the number on the scale would be in a certain range by my 50th birthday. Very noble and nice goal and aim for and to have, I know I would not be where I am without this vision. However, I am turning 50 in a couple of weeks, and I am not there. I have been struggling with feeling disappointed in myself and what that means. I have gotten prideful at times, and resisted advice and had to readjust, I have been tempted by making short term goals and getting quick rewards, I deal with disappointments of ‘shoulding’ on myself. So this is a very timely reminder for me, to take inventory, celebrate how far I have come, and adjust my hopes and don’t rush the process because my dreams are and will be fulfilled and become my tree of life. I know today was an especially long post, this could be a book in and of itself. But these concepts are so vital to not just be understood but to be applied for lasting change and transformation, and you are worth it! This is the wealth that grows with hard work over time. It is so worth it, life is a divine adventure to be savored not a just a series of short goals to be achieved and rushed through with nothing to show for it in your character and your very essence of being.
✍🏼Daily Journal Prompt
Are your expectations and hopes realistic, can you make some adjustments, are you trying to do too much at once, did you not take enough time in phase 1 of your plan, or are you celebrating yourself enough? We humans are complex, are you taking everything into account and meeting yourself where you actually are vs where you think you ‘should’ be?
📖Tomorrows Reading
Proverbs 14
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